Comparison is the thief of joy

Summer shifts, flying the nest and where am I going to put all those sunflowers.

When do you consider it to be summer? I know officially it’s the time of the solstice, but if I were to group months into seasons I would always consider June, July and August to be summer, so in my book it’s here, I’ve called it.

I’ve noticed a huge shift in my garden this week, particularly from the annuals and perennials that are growing with great enthusiasm. I was looking at photographs of last year’s garden and the different between early and mid June is huge. Once again I’m resisting the temptation to say “it will be lovely when…” It’s already perfect to me.

Amidst these the seasonal shifts, our Great Tit chicks decided this was the week to fly the nest. I didn’t actually see them leave, but sitting with my cuppa in my usual morning spot I became acutely aware they were no longer around. I don’t think anything horrible has happened to them as I saw no sign of distress from either parent, although I’m surprised I didn’t see fledglings exploring and taking their first tentative flights in the garden. I must admit, I felt really quite sad at their departure. For a short while they felt like part of our extended family.

One of my favourite jobs in the garden is watering. I know some people find it to be a chore but I find it quite relaxing. Fifteen minutes or so to myself at the end of the day. Tell the kids I’m busy. I’ll sign their homework planners in a minute. I’m definitely interesting in hearing their latest complaints about FIFA. But first I’ll take a wander, hosepipe in hand, a blackbird’s song as my only soundtrack, and I’ll tend to the plants. I thank them for growing in my space, providing me with colour and scent and joy. My heart feels full and as I nurture them I feel myself unwind. Letting any stresses of the day wash away, returning to the earth.

I should point out I’m not neglecting my kids by the way. I’ve likely to have prepared enough snacks to feed a football team, chatted about their day at school, dealt with a technical issue on the Xbox. But time in my garden is a little way for me to decompress and sometimes I need to take care of myself. I won’t ever feel guilty for that.

We visited Wallington Hall during half term and I was wowed as always by the beautiful gardens. It’s a vast space but seems to find the perfect balance between more structured planting and being left to go wild. They’ve taken no mow May to the next level and are choosing to stop mowing what previously was quite a formal lawn, in the hope of attracting more wildlife. It looks stunning, I only wish more people would do the same.

I found myself thinking, as we wandered and I inevitably spent a little bit too long taking lots of pictures and generally oohing and aahing at the plants. The walled garden in particular is absolutely stunning. There are some plants I have in my own garden and then some I like but can’t, won’t or don’t grow at home.

A lovely instagram friend Libby (@docleaves) who’s garden I absolutely adore wrote this after her recent visit to Chelsea Flower show:

“I’ll tell you which garden is the best. It’s the one you can walk around, sit in, smell the flowers of, take the pulse of. The one where you can feel its breath. It’s your own garden. It always will be.”

I felt these words to my very core. Our gardens are so personal, so individual. I loved the gardens at Wallington, but I was equally filled with joy when I came home to my own space. It’s so easy to compare our gardens. Instagram is filled with endless beautiful images (edited and curated of course, no one photographs the messy corner).

I also adore watching garden shows on TV. I’m quite certain there isn’t a single episode of garden rescue that I haven’t seen. There was a time that after each episode I’d be mentally redesigning my garden. Would that work better here? Have I done that section wrong? Comparison is the thief of joy, so they say, and I couldn’t agree more.

I’m still very much learning when it comes to planting styles and schemes but there’s one thing of which I’m absolutely certain, the best designed garden is the one you’ve put your own heart and soul into.

Will you be in the garden this weekend? I plan on spending pretty much the whole weekend out there. I have seedlings to plant out (still) and I really need to figure out where I’m going to put 16 sunflowers, I have no space!

I’d love to hear what you’re up to and how your own gardens are looking. If you’re reading this in an email you can click below to leave a comment.

Wishing you a gorgeous weekend.

Claire x

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If you don’t know me already I’m a holistic therapist turned nature and gardening nerd and here I write about my garden and the wonderful effects it has on my wellbeing.