The best laid plans

and letting them go.

I’ve always been a planner. I like to feel prepared, to know what’s coming and to feel in control. I like black and white. No grey areas.

I’m also learning this will be my undoing.

When I began my self-employed journey back in 2014 I had a clear plan. I’d train in reflexology, specialise in maternity and fertility services and then offer the best possible support to women as they embarked on their dreams to start a family.

This plan became a reality quite quickly. Fertility reflexology in particular was highly sought after and my diary was readily filled with appointments. I loved the work, loved supporting others and felt like I was fulfilling my purpose.

In 2017, six days before Christmas I came down with shingles. A very painful nod from my body that I was doing too much and not taking care of myself enough.

By this point I’d been fully self-employed for just over two years. In this time I’d joined various networking groups, filled with inspiring people growing their businesses and striving for more. I’d taken part in marketing courses where I was told to find my clients’ pain points and then poke them. Hard enough to break them and make them want to work with me. I signed up to social media classes where I was told to post all day every day. Be the expert, be all singing, all dancing (quite literally if you look at the evolution of reels) and all knowing.

Okay, so looking back in a slightly less overwhelmed frame of mind I can see these weren’t quite the messages the courses and groups had set out to deliver. But in the thick of it, the only thing I could see was that I wasn’t cut out for this. It wasn’t meant to feel this way.

I found myself wondering if I was alone in struggling with my business. Surely not, but yet no one else seemed to be willing to talk about it. People seemed all too ready to accept long hours and burning the candle at both ends as par for the course in business ownership. I even came across a thread on Facebook about taking time off where people were proudly declaring they’d not taken a day off in years. I was surrounded by the message that unless I was working myself into the ground, I wasn’t doing it right.

In the years that followed I accepted my original plan was no longer serving me. I made lots of changes to my business, gradually moving away from maternity and fertility and instead focusing on rest and using this to prevent stress and burnout. I didn’t fall out of love with fertility work, I just realised I’d used up my quota of energy to be able to give myself fully to something that could be so emotionally demanding.

I started talking more openly about my struggles in self-employment. I shared that I craved a business where I was allowed to be human. That I didn’t want to spend my whole life striving for the next thing. I wanted to live and work more gently. To have feelings. Good days and bad days. I started having conversations and getting messages from others who felt this way too.

When the pandemic forced me to let go of all my plans, Musings & Monday was born. From the spark of an idea in the summer of 2021 it’s already changed and evolved quite a lot. In its current form it feels good. It feels aligned with my bigger purpose. Perhaps it will evolve further, don’t we all? But for right now I’m trusting the journey this business is taking me on and the lessons I’m learning along the way.

Of course I still make plans, I’m just trying not to hold onto them so tightly anymore.

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Moments that Matter

Each week I like to share a selection of moments from my week that have felt magical, joyful or just made it all feel worthwhile.

Rainy Days.

Here in the North East we haven’t had quite the high temperatures experienced in the South, but it’s been hot nonetheless. Yesterday was a rainy day. The garden breathed a sigh of relief. Everything felt cleansed and fresh. It gave my energy a welcome boost as I settled into a day of writing.

Conversations.

This week I’ve had some wonderful conversations with friends, family and people I feel connected to online. From chats about the seasons and how they make us feel, to indulging in lofty dreams for the future and everything in between. I’ve also received some lovely, supportive words about the work I’m doing with Musings & Mondays which have given me a confidence boost right when I needed it.

Tiny Moments.

I’ve been guilty of being a bit stuck in my own head lately. Sometimes I get carried away with ideas and find it difficult to switch off. This week I’ve been making more of a conscious effort to be present in the tiny moments as well as the bigger ones. The sound of the water pouring into my first cup of tea of the day, the glint of sunlight through the trees as I wander around the garden, the sound of a robin’s song

I’ve decided to take the remainder of the school holidays off work. I was going to prewrite content, but I decided to practice what I preach and make space to be completely offline for a while. I think its always worth remembering that when we’re old and grey, looking on our lives, none of us will ever wish we’d worked more.

Wishing you a peaceful couple of weeks. If you’re dealing with all the emotions that back to school brings then I send you my love and support.

Until next time,

Claire x